Round the Bend ... Literally

The awkward moment when, in this post, I tell you all that I'll be back to posting regularly ... and then fail to post on Thursday.

Bad Charley! *whaps head with a lampshade, Dobby-style*

However, I do protest, I've had more on my plate than I expected. Mum's been working for a few days, so I've been running about sorting things; father's day cards, my meals and putting markers in my borrowed books on Romanticism so that I can use them as references for my Extended Project later this week.

Oh, and I'm going to see The Avengers on Tuesday. I'm still slightly traumatised from the ending of Thor (which I watched with my friend at school ... and yes, I cried. I have a huge soft spot for Loki, alright?) but from what I've heard it's a movie well worth seeing. I'm ridiculously excited about it.

And, biggest news of all...

Charley's learning to drive.

Driving is one of the weirdest things I've ever done - and that, my friends, is saying something. It's like a fish being asked to swim backwards ... only I'm hoping this won't kill me, however high the chance is. Hand-eye co-ordination was never a strong suit of mind and thus, coupled with multiple actions that I'm supposed to perform at once and a gearbox that walked straight out of the mouth of hell, means I occasionally make a mess and panic. 

However, I like to think I'm improving - Mum's been taking me out every day and we've been pootling around the army camp (which, surprisingly, is not as suicidal as the proposition might sound from the outset) and I've been practicing Look-Signal-Manouvre, changing gears, manipulating the accelerator and brake, fiddling with the mirrors and attempting to work out how to use the clutch without looking. Some of these activities have met with more success than others.

Note: no fatalities have occured as of yet, unless you count a few squashed pinecones, an already thoroughly dead piece of roadkill, and a few suspected heart palpitations in my driving instructor. 

Also, the clutch hates me. Just sayin'.

Other than that, I'm just popping by to let you know that I'm going to start drafting up my first few reviews of books in the next few days, as well as working out a few new Writerly Guides - which, by the way, if you have any ideas for, I would love to hear!

And now I shall leave you with heart-melting cuteness:

~ Charley R

Beautiful People, May 2012 - Evil Edition!

My villains are my favourites. As much as I come to feel affection for my delightful bands of heroes, heroines, and gods know what else they are, it's always the villain I'll love the best. 


Of course, this gave me something of a dichotomy when it came to choosing one for this post.


Should I find you a villain from the Aeserion Trilogy?  Can't - they're all in the middle of reworking, and thus everything I write here is probably incorrect. Besides, spoilers!


What about a villain from the new novel I started last week? Sadly, that won't work either - you guys would have no idea who I was on about.


A villain from a past NaNo, then? Now that got me thinking.


Of course, I couldn't settle for just any old villain - I wanted to find one that would be impressive. Terrifying. Skin-tingling. And not eat me when I dragged him out of his lair to answer the questions.


I half succeeded. It may have cost an arm and a leg - quite literally, I'm typing this with my nose, 'cause I'm so talented - but you lovely people will have an insight into the most terrifying entity who currently inhabits my head.


You all know the lovely Vidal. Meet his many-times-great-grandson.


Sephirax; "Sixknives", "The Shadow", "The Bane of Tanelorn". Murderer and madman.
Even the Stormlord bloodline, notorious murderers, liars, thieves and worse, have disowned him. And you're about to see why.


1. What is their motive? 
It depends what he's doing. Sometimes it's part of a long-term plan. Sometimes it's a spurr of the moment necessity. Sometimes there's a personal grudge involved. Sometimes it's a red herring to throw his enemies off the scent. Sometimes it's for kicks and giggles.

2. What are they prepared to do to get what they want? 
Anything. Sephirax has all the morals of a rock. And a good deal less sensitivity. The fact he's dancing dangerously close to insanity doesn't really help his moral compass.

3. Are they evil to the core, or simply misunderstood? 
In the beginning, he did what he did because he had no choice - it was that, or starve and die, taking the one person he cared about, and who cared about him, with him. Now, though? There's no doubt he's lost his mind - or some of it, at least. But whether it's the madness, or Sephirax's own twisted soul that drives him now, no one knows. Depends who you ask. And if they'll tell you anything. 

4. What was their past like? What about their childhood? Was there one defining moment that made them embrace their evil ways?
Sephirax started out in the world much the same way Vidal did - a bastard to a high-born lady, who died not long after his birth, and whose father never claimed him. He grew up fairly wild in the custody of the midwife's family, but they kicked him out the moment they could. He was strange. Very very strange. But sweet enough beneath that - he had a knack for mischief, and a distinct lack of any sort of conscience, but he never meant to cause harm. Not at first.


Unfortunately, the development of his exceedingly powerful mentalist abilities soon lead him towards darker and darker acts, drawn by a strange morbid curiosity with pushing the limits of his power. His friends, who were all he had in the world, started to fear him. And so did everyone else. This seemingly inexplicable rejection twisted like a knife in Sephirax, and he went south when he was still scarce more than a child, looking for something nobody is sure of. No one knows what happened to him, but when he came back, Tanelorn had no idea what it had created. Or what a bloodstained nightmare his madness would wreak upon them.


5. Now that they’re evil, have they turned their back on everyone, or is there still someone in their life that they care for? (Brother? Daughter? Love interest? Mother? Someone who is just as evil as they are?)
Love is a word Sephirax regards with the worst sort of scorn. The world's rejection of him made him bitter, and he'll happily use the loved ones of others to get what he wants - whether it be crucial to his job, or just because he feels the urge to destroy something. 


But there is one tiny little corner of his rotten heart that beats for someone else. His deafblind, crippled half-sister, Eli, rescued from the clutches of their mother's family who sought to exploit her Stormlord blood and use her as a political pawn. Her protection and welfare is all that stands between her brother's descent into lunacy and death. 


And, despite his bitterness towards them, Sephirax still agonises over actions concerning his old friends. Sometimes his old memories inspire a strange act of mercy. Sometimes they drive him to atrocities.

6. Do they like hugs?
Only from Eli. She sleeps curled up in his arms every night.


*aside* In his heart of hearts, he loves them. But don't try. He'll do something horrible to you.

7. Are they plagued by something? (Nightmares, terrible thoughts?) 
Enemies. Shifting webs of treachery. Lies. Deceit. Bitter memories. Fear. His own mental demons. And a new foe, stalking in his shadow, disappearing every time he looks. But he knows it's there. And he knows it's coming for him.

8. Who are they more similar to: Gollum or Maleficent?
Sephirax is a Malificent from the outset, but inside he's just as lost as Gollum ever was. He's both terrified of and intrigued by the power he has at his disposal, though his concern for Eli and his occasional fits of doubt and agony over the wreck of his life torment him near constantly. But he has made his choice, and he pays the price. Great power has, quite literally, lead to madness. 

9. If your villain could have their choice of transportation what would it be?
He would love to be able to teleport. There are thousands of stories that he can - though according to these stories he's also able to fly, steals souls just by making eye-contact, can walk through walls, and his father was a dragon. Teleportation would be a wonderful compliment to his job, and would cover up several of his somewhat limiting physical and mental weaknesses nicely. Even he can't kill a foe from halfway across the city, however much he would want to.

10. If you met your villain in the street, how afraid would you be? Are they evil enough to kill their creator?
I would just stand there and hope he killed me quickly. I couldn't outrun him - stubby-legged human vs nine and a half feet of muscle and malice is hardly a fair match. I couldn't outfight him - brittle-boned and physically deteriorating or no, if he kicked me hard enough most of my organs would explode. And, at close range, he could tear me apart from the inside out, literally or using his mentalism, depending what mood he was in. Heck, he'd probably hunt me down with the intention of killing me if he was bored. He's that nasty. And has that little regard for life.


Thankfully, I've given him a "squeaky toy" list of other characters he's allowed to maim to his heart's content. That seems to be keeping him happy ... for now.

***

Now ... who's up for a scary story?

- Charley R

School's Out!

For Liam. Because I promised.

No more lessons, no more books, 

No more teachers' dirty looks!

Schooooooooooool's out for summer!

Schooooooooooool's out. For. EVER!

Well, not quite, but you get my drift. As you read this post, I will be wiping the last of the ink-stains off my hands, shunting the scrawl-covered paper into the hands of the examiner and readying myself for a Braveheart-style sprint out of the door, waving my hands over my head and screaming like a lunatic.

I will then go home, eat copious amounts of food, and curl up in bed feeling incredibly pleased with myself.

The perks of being a Humanities student really pay off when your exams finish just over a week before everyone else's.

And, of course, as I have this extended half term holiday available, I will be back to my regular posting schedule. I've got a few more "Charley R's Writerly Guides" ideas lined up, as well as the possibilities of extracts, the fabled reviews mentioned in my talking blog, and a planned cover reveal of St Mallory's Forever! - the much-neglected book that, I promise, will be finished very soon, and whose website you can find in the "Links 'R Us" tab at the top of the blog.

Oh, and did I mention driving lessons? Now that I'm finally old enough and (supposedly) well co-ordinated enough, I am now entitled to tutelage that will allow me to legally wield a flying metal death box!

My excitement knows no bounds. Much like my sense of straight lines.

- Charley R

Fish, the Force, and Fanfiction

As kettles of fish go, none get much stranger than fanfiction. While many denizens of the aforementioned bucket are nothing out of the ordinary - an alternate ending, an additional character, an entertaining crossover with a related (or, often, unrelated) world or storyline - there are also some very very strange fish. Like the ones with two heads, a leg, and the bizarre ability to speak Elvish. Backwards.

I myself have never written fanfiction - it's a comfort issue. As much as I am happy to express my views on what could / should / might happen in a given story, every time I contemplate writing out my musings on paper, I feel like I should be arrested for breaking-and-entering. Or kidnap. Or some other form of metaphysical felony. It's all very well wreaking havoc and making huge booboos in my own worlds, but in someone else's? It just doesn't feel right.

And yet, for some strange reason, the idea of fanfiction fascinates me. I peruse several fandoms (a fandom, by the way, refers to the body of fans of a given TV show, book series, movie, whatever, usually found in cyberspace). Doctor Who, Lord of the Rings, a Song of Ice and Fire, and multiple crossovers related to them are my usual haunts. Despite being a die-hard fan of all of the above - especially the last - I don't really have an issue when people decide to have a little fun. Fanfiction is, after all, supposedly an expression of love for the thing in question. 

I'm not using this post to damn fanfiction - I honestly have no problem with it. Heck, some fanfiction authors, I reckon, ought to be off writing their own stories because they honestly have a good head for plot, consistent characterisation and interesting dialogue. Sometimes the fanfiction - especially parodies - is genuienly very good, too. I've been known to sniffle a little when reading a particularly touching fic, or laugh hysterically during a good one.

Unfortunately, as all things - notably the moon, the toast from my school toaster, and the Force, fanfiction has a dark side. Sometimes the things one finds in there are not only implausible, illogical, and sometimes downright unsavoury, but they can be downright scarring into the bargain.

I don't just say this because I'm a terrible canon Nazi - I'm not, most of the time. It's my own fault, really, that I enjoy perusing the dark corners of fanfiction to find the worst of the worst. It's a subtle dance, somewhat akin to swimming in a tank of large sharks, tickling them in the hope one will roll over and let you tickle its tummy. Unfortunately, said shark may be one of those who would rather use your arm for a squeaky toy.

Sometimes I envy the fate of that lost arm. Below, I list some of the weirdest, creepiest, and most scarring things I have encountered in the world of fanfiction:

• A Harry Potter fanfiction, whereby Severus Snape was miraculously pregnant ... with the child of Sirius Black.
• A Doctor Who fanfiction where The Doctor ended up marrying a fifteen-year-old girl who, by all the rules of the long, convoluted and utterly nonsensical plot, should have ceased to exist after ripping open a hole in the universe, stealing the TARDIS, riding it through the aforementioned hole, and somehow come back with the destroyed world of Gallifrey in tow - complete with everything else that followed it into the void, presumably.
• A LotR fanfiction where Gimli and Legolas had mysteriously suffered a sex change and ended up marrying Pippin and Aragorn, respectively.
• A Harry Potter fanfiction where Harry fell in love with Firenze, and ended up giving birth to a foal that, in the words of the fic "was the size of a five-year-old".
• Many more fanfictions, in all fandoms, involving male pregnancy.
• A Song of Ice and Fire fanfiction stating origins of Jon Snow's parentage whereby Ned Stark pulled a Jaime Lannister and slept with his sister Lyanna before she died.
• An even more disturbing Song of Ice and Fire fanfiction, which resulted in a three-way orgy involving Jaime, Tyrion and Robb. Set against the backdrop of Book Five, I might add.

And, last, and the most horrifying and eyeball-gouging of all:

• Crossovers. My Little Pony crossovers.

I could go on - I could launch into a list of the most disturbing character pairings, or the most ludicrous plot twists, or the most irritating Mary Sues who have inevitably made it their quest to hunt down and destroy the personality of the most desirable characters in every conceivable fandom known to mankind.

But, as I said before and will say again, these horror fics are a minority - and I really do bring them upon myself. Curiosity killed the Charley. Almost literally, in the case of a few demented fic-induced heart palpitations.

What do you guys think of fanfiction, though? Ever written any yourself? Where do you draw the line between unsettling and kill-it-with-knives-and-a-flamethrower?

- Charley R

In Which iMovie Makes Me Look Daft

Here be the link to the actual vid, just in case this fails horribly:

http://youtu.be/mzQw7oMcQHM

~ Charley R

Must ... Not ... Procrastinate ...

Two of five exams down.

Having mad urge to write a new story instead of revising.

Reading far more books than I should be instead of revising.

Biscuit cravings.

Big ones.

All will be over as of this time next week.

Two scariest exams tomorrow.

Ought to stop procrastinating.

That's hard.

*

**

***

**

*

Yep.

Still alive.

Ish.

- Charley R (I think...)

Study Leave and Snow

The time has come.

As of today, after two and a half long, boring hours spent allocating tour guides to the parents of potential future students, my study leave for exams will begin. This means I will have to do what every instinct of my pre-programmed nature vehemently defies: work on a weekend. Philosophy essays, source questions for History, and shovelling every fact about The Great Gatsby down my throat until I choke on it.

My first exam is on Monday the 14th, at 13:45. 

My last is on Tuesday the 22nd, at 13:45.

I can practically smell the ink on the question papers from here.

Now, as you people have doubtless have guessed, as much as I love you all, I simply will not have time to post frequently in these coming days - I may pre-program a little something to come up for you, but I myself am likely to be very much absent. 

If you want me, I'll be nursing carpal tunnel and dementedly muttering my candidate and centre number in my sleep.

The time of battle is upon me.

Pray I survive to come back and crow ridiculously loudly about the feat of my survival.

For now, though, I leave you with Starks and cuteness.

Bonus points if you pick up on the cleverly-hidden reference in the title of this post!